LUNCH BREAK ADVENTURES PART 4: THE FOURTHENING

[13:01:31] Andrew: hello everyone and welcome to today’s entertainment. refreshments will be served after death

[13:01:38] Jac: (ninja)

[13:01:49] Dave: you can snack when you’re dead

[13:02:01] Jac: I am currently snacking therefore I am dead

[13:02:17] Jac: so where are we headed to today, dave

[13:02:40] Dave: we are headed to a distant land, most peculiar to our modern eyes

[13:02:49] Andrew: Wales?

[13:03:21] Dave: where beasts roam at large in a manner much akin to your HIGH FANTASY NOVELS

[13:03:35] Jac: so, wales

[13:03:39] Dave: okay fine

[13:03:49] Dave: you awaken to find yourself in WALES

[13:04:04] Dave: the landscape is VERDANT and LUSH and SURPRISINGLY PATRIOTIC

[13:04:13] Jac: is there a dragon anywhere

[13:04:19] Dave: …

[13:04:21] Dave: MAYBE

[13:04:25] Jac: :O

[13:04:46] Dave: but you know NONE OF THIS because you are ENCARCERATED in a GRIMDARK DUNGEON

[13:04:56] Dave: there is ONE EXIT to the SOUTH

[13:05:05] Dave: it is UNGUARDED but LOCKED

[13:05:22] Dave: a FELLOW PRISONER mocks you from across the DANK CORRIDOR

[13:05:32] Dave: his JIBES are BARBED

[13:05:42] Jac: I send a jibe back at him

[13:06:25] Dave: your inventory is ONE SET OF PEASANT RAGS, your PEASANT HAT, and a SHIV you FASHIONED earlier

[13:06:31] Dave: roll for JIBE

[13:06:33] Jac: 5

[13:06:46] Dave: you roll 5 out of a potential 20

[13:06:54] Jac: (do I have my hair up in an overly complicated fantasy bun, btw?)

[13:06:58] Dave: “oh…OH YEAH?”

[13:07:05] Dave: your JIBE FAILS MISERABLY

[13:07:13] Jac: 🙁

[13:08:12] Dave: (your LUSTROUS LOCKS are ENGINEERED into the most ELABORATE BUN WALES has ever known. TALES of your BUN have travelled across the land, although NOONE SEEMS ALL THAT INTERESTED IF THEY’RE HONEST, I MEAN IT’S JUST HAIR)

[13:08:33] Dave: (+1 damage to all non-bunned enemies)

[13:08:37] Jac: if I have a fantasy bun, I obviously have a hairpin or two in there

top google image hit for ‘fantasy bun’.

[13:08:45] Dave: search bun?

[13:08:49] Jac: acquire hairpins

[13:09:00] Jac: use hairpins to pick lock

[13:09:12] Dave: you FUMBLE AROUND in your MASSIVE BUN

[13:00:00] Dave: you find THREE (3) HAIRPINS and a copy of DRAGON FANCIER QUARTERLY, WALES’ foremost authority on draconian affairs.

[13:00:04] Dave: roll for LOCKPICK

[13:00:08] Jac: 15

[13:00:32] Dave: you NIMBLY AGGRESS the OBSTREPOROUS KEYTRAP

[13:01:02] Dave: it OFFERS ONLY SCANT RESISTANCE to your DEXTROUS SNEAKTHIEVERY

[13:01:10] Dave: the DOOR is YOURS

[13:01:20] Jac: can I jibe at the other prisoner again?

[13:01:28] Dave: it’s YOUR FUNERAL

[13:01:34] Jac: 12

[13:01:37] Dave: roll for SECOND JIBE

[13:02:14] Dave: “YOUR MOM KNOWS ALL ABOUT MY LOCKPICKING SKILLS”

[13:02:38] Dave: the other PRISONER is ENRAGED, and throws THE CLOSEST THING TO HAND

[13:02:48] Jac: what is the closest thing to hand

[13:02:56] Dave: it is a SUPER HEALING POTION he’d been saving for his DARING ESCAPE

[13:03:19] Dave: turns out he was on a SACRED QUEST to SAVE THE EMPEROR OF WALES, but I guess THAT ISN’T HAPPENING NOW

[13:03:23] Dave: GOOD JOB

[13:03:39] Jac: bwahaha, I dodge the healing potion and catch it

[13:04:23] Dave: there are exits to the SEWERS, a GATE TO THE CASTLE (POORLY DEFENDED), and access to the LIBRARY OF ARCANE MAJJIKXX (ADJACENT TO SAID CASTLE)

[13:04:40] Jac: Dude, Library of Arcane Majjikxx!

[13:04:44] Jac: let’s go there

[13:05:11] Dave: you and your IMAGINARY FRIEND enter the LIBRARY in your GODFORSAKEN PEASANT GARB

[13:05:28] Dave: it has a -1 effect on your CHARM and -2 on your MOXIE

[13:05:50] Jac: have a passed by anyone I can shiv then steal the clothes of yet?

[13:05:51] Dave: the LIBRARIAN looks at you down her STEREOTYPICALLY ARCHED NOSE

[13:06:00] Dave: she SNIFFS THEATRICALLY

[13:06:15] Dave: “can I… help you?”

[13:07:06] Jac: “I’m currently doing a research project on Majikxx at the local wales community college, I was wondering if you might have any arcane tomes available for study?”

[13:07:25] Dave: she is TAKEN ABACK by your APPARENTLY CIVIL MANNER

[13:07:37] Dave: you are on the CUSP of convincing her of your INHERENT NOBILITY

[13:08:09] Dave: “well I suppose you ARE in the right place, but what on earth happened to your WIZARDING ROBES? and is that a SHIV in your BUN?”

[13:09:07] Jac: “Oh, the Wizarding Fraternity had a peasant fancy dress party last night. I didn’t have time to get changed again since I have a paper on invisibility due in a few hours and…”

[13:09:19] Jac: “also, shivs are totally in”

[13:10:51] Dave: “oh god those Wizardbros. Gross. Fine, get to the Living Quarters and pick up a fresh set of MAJJJIKKAL DUDS. Just up the stairs, past the KITCHEN THAT PROBABLY LEADS TO THE MAGIC CASTLE and take a LEFT”

[13:11:06] Dave: “also where can i get a SHIV?”

[13:11:15] Jac: “Etsy”

[13:11:22] Dave: “noted”

of course you can buy shivs on etsy

[13:11:32] Jac: I go and acquire my new robes

[13:11:43] Dave: you enter the LIVING QUARTERS

[13:11:46] Jac: and a few books on invisibility to study by

[13:12:01] Jac: ok, who’s in the living quarters?

[13:13:04] Dave: the QUARTERS are ARCANELY DECORATED, mostly with ELDRITCH WALLPAPER, which writhes under your sight like A DYING INSECT and takes on NON-EUCLIDEAN ANGLES that do not make a lick of sense

[13:5] Jac: oh god, not cthulhu again

[13:13:22] Dave: there are TWO WIZARDS by the FIREPLACE, glowing GREEN with SPOOKY LIGHT. It’s a nice effect

[13:13:36] Dave: the wallpaper is merely CTHULHU-THEMED

[13:13:41] Jac: *sigh of relief*

[13:13:46] Dave: the WIZARDS picked it out THEMSELVES

[13:13:53] Jac: of course they did

[13:13:51] Dave: on the table is a WOMEN’S MEDIUM WIZGARB

[13:14:15] Dave: and a stack of ARCANE TOMES

[13:14:18] Jac: awesome

[13:14:43] Jac: putting on the wizgarb, getting slightly stuck over the shoulders. Damn, do wizards not work out or something?

[13:15:16] Dave: the GARB ARCANELY molds to your UNUSUALLY WARRIORLIKE SHOULDERS

[13:15:23] Jac: well, I am apparently a peasant

[13:15:47] Jac: picking up the tomes too

[13:15:48] Dave: you kind of look a bit like KORRA (LEGEND OF) but with a MORE PEASANTY BUN

[13:15:54] Dave: you TAKE the TOMES

[13:15:55] Jac: 😎

[13:16:30] Dave: one is on the DRAGONTONGUE, the SECRET MAGIQUES of DEFEATING OBVIOUS BIG BADS

[13:16:43] Dave: disregard POORLY TELEGRAPHED PLOT POINT?

[13:17:21] Jac: looks like we’re going to have to go defeat a dragon or something

[13:17:33] Jac: do you happen to know where I could get a dragonslayer sword?

[13:17:35] Dave: GUESS SO

[13:17:48] Dave: MAYBE those WIZARDS know some stuff

[13:18:00] Jac: let’s ask the wizards now that I’m wearing a pair of robes

[13:18:02] Dave: they seem to be just MAKING IDLE CHITCHAT while you WIZROBED

[13:18:11] Dave: roll for ICEBREAKER

[13:18:11] Jac: “hello, chaps”

[13:18:14] Jac: 6

[13:18:42] Dave: the WIZDUDES are RUFFLED

[13:18:51] Jac: oh noooooo

[13:19:16] Dave: they have never been so flagrantly NOT SHOWN THE COMMON RESPECT GIVEN ELDER WIZARDS by LOWLY SERFBUNS

[13:20:03] Dave: one WIZARD returns to his WIZARD TABLOID, which has a picture of a BIG ASS DRAGON on the front with the headline “DRAGONS????”

MORE OR LESS

[13:20:14] Dave: he seems ENGROSSED

[13:20:16] Jac: can I look closer without him noticing

[13:20:30] Dave: roll for EAVESDROP

[13:20:41] Jac: 14

[13:21:25] Dave: you shimmy up to the EAVES and use your FANCY WIZARD SKILLS to ZOOM IN CSI STYLE on the CRAPPILY WRITTEN FLUFF PIECE ON DRAGONS

[13:21:59] Dave: the UPSHOT is that DRAGONS are returning to the PROUD REALM OF WALES and NO ONE SEEMS TO BE DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT

[13:22:14] Jac: So can I basically leave the castle and run into a dragon to slay?

[13:22:27] Jac: definitely going to need a dragonslayer now…

[13:22:41] Dave: the piece also mentions the KING’S PREDILICTION FOR LEGENDARY TALES OF DERRING DO

[13:22:59] Dave: and that he PROBABLY DOESN’T WANT A DRAGON TO TAKE HIS THRONE

[13:23:15] Jac: hmmm, might have to make a detour to the throne room

[13:23:29] Jac: as long as no one recognizes me since I was obviously up to no good to get thrown into a prison cell…

[13:23:43] Dave: you were TOTALLY UP TO NO GOOD

[13:23:47] Jac: or is this the kind of kingdom where you get imprisoned for jaywalking?

[13:24:53] Jac: I’m properly curious about what I did now

[13:25:05] Dave: i’m KIND OF SURE that WHATEVER CRIME YOU COMMITTED was TOTALLY HEINOUS

[13:25:20] Jac: ah well, time to cast a glamour on my face and see the king

[13:25:28] Dave: like maybe you STOLE the PRINCESS’ FIERCEST BALLGOWN or SOMETHING

[13:25:37] Dave: roll for GLAMOUR

[13:25:43] Jac: 17

[13:25:45] Dave: WOAH

[13:26:27] Dave: your GLAMOURING works so well you have made yourself into an EXACT SIMULACRUM of the PRINCESS, but with BEEFIER SHOULDERS and an IMPOSING BUN

[13:26:35] Jac: 😎

[13:27:07] Dave: you EXIT the LIVING QUARTERS. you can ENTER through the KITCHEN or try your LUCK at the POORLY GUARDED GATE

[13:27:20] Jac: through the kitchen first

[13:27:24] Jac: gotta try my glamour out on someone

[13:27:42] Dave: you ENTER the KITCHEN with the HAUGHTY AIR of a HAUGHTY HEIR

[13:27:55] Dave: there is a COOK

[13:27:59] Dave: she is COOKING

[13:28:03] Dave: …SOMETHING

[13:28:12] Jac: that’s brilliant

[13:28:23] Jac: do I pass as looking enough like a not-prisoner?

[13:28:42] Dave: roll for CONDESCENSION TO UNDERLINGS

[13:28:49] Jac: 9

[13:29:10] Dave: you make a GAME ATTEMPT at DISMISSING the COOK

[13:29:31] Dave: turns out the PRINCESS is USUALLY WAY MORE DICKISH, and the COOK turns to you with tears in her eyes

[13:29:39] Dave: she has never been SO HAPPY IN HER JOB

[13:29:46] Jac: ;(

[13:29:50] Dave: she COOKS double fast

[13:30:02] Dave: and PRESENTS YOU with a STEAMING BEEF BROTH

[13:30:16] Jac: I secret the broth away in hammerspace

[13:30:18] Dave: it provides +5 END during EPIC BOSS BATTLES

[13:30:25] Dave: COOL

[13:30:40] Jac: can I get my quest now?

[13:30:42] Dave: your GLAMOURED WIZGARB has POTENTIALLY INFINITE INVENTORY SPACE

[13:30:55] Dave: I SUPPOSE IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MADE CLEAR EARLIER

[13:31:09] Dave: you INSTANTLY REGRET not PLANNING FURTHER AHEAD.

[13:31:16] Jac: lame

[13:31:22] Jac: quest please

[13:31:33] Jac: I’m getting a hankering for deep fried dragon

[13:31:48] Dave: there are EXITS to the STABLES and the GREAT HALL, where you SENSE there is a QUESTGIVER of ONE VARIETY OR ANOTHER

[13:32:00] Dave: because of MAGIC REASONS

[13:32:01] Jac: let’s head over yonder

[13:32:15] Dave: i don’t know YONDER

[13:32:22] Dave: but I GUESS you mean the STABLES

[13:32:50] Dave: there is a MAGICAL FOREIGNER there who has been TEACHING the PRINCESS to DUAL WIELD MAGIC BLADES

[13:33:04] Dave: using his SLY FOREIGN WISDOM

[13:33:19] Dave: “ah, princess, are you ready to learn the dragon’s dance”

[13:33:27] Dave: “also, I see you’ve been working out”

[13:33:51] Jac: “why thank you, I’m on a new bootcamp program”

[13:34:02] Jac: “so… dragon’s dance?”

[13:34:31] Dave: “indeed, your father has been much too lax in his defence against the impending DRAGONDOOM, which is totally a thing”

[13:34:48] Dave: “let me teach you the HIDDEN TECHNIQUES”

[13:34:56] Jac: “alrighty!”

[13:35:17] Jac: do I get the swords at the end of this tutorial quest?

[13:35:21] Dave: “very well, let us begin”

[13:35:23] Dave: TOTALLY

[13:35:41] Dave: he is ABOUT TO TEACH YOU all the COOL SWORDPLAYS

[13:35:49] Dave: ANY MOMENT NOW

[13:35:54] Dave: …

[13:36:08] Dave: SUDDENLY, A DRAGON APPEARS OVERHEAD!

[13:36:14] Jac: oh lordy

[13:36:15] Dave: what horrendous timing

[13:36:39] Dave: “quickly princess, there is no time for this obviously vital tutorial quest!”

[13:36:43] Jac: it’s alright though, because I’m actually a peasant and not the princess and thus have skills in killing wolves and bears and other beasties that feed on my flock of sheep

[13:37:08] Dave: “take my MASSIVE MAGICAL SWORD, I have taught you ALL I KNOW”

[13:37:13] Jac: sweet

[13:37:22] Jac: I take the sword and do some practice swings

[13:37:31] Dave: roll for PRACTICE SWINGS

[13:37:41] Jac: 11

[13:37:59] Dave: you… kind of SWISH the SWORD about

[13:38:12] Jac: the magic is making it heavier than normal

[13:38:19] Jac: plus, the ruby encrusted hilt

[13:38:23] Dave: nothing PARTICULARLY GREAT HAPPENS, but nothing DISASTROUS EITHER

[13:38:28] Jac: meh

[13:38:33] Jac: so is the dragon still there

[13:38:34] Dave: yeah the SWORD IS TOTAL BOSS

[13:39:01] Dave: the DRAGON is PERCHED atop the THRONE ROOM, LAYING WASTE TO ALL AND SUNDRY

[13:39:20] Dave: your MAGICAL SWORD TEACHER has run headlong into the FRAY

[13:39:23] Jac: huh, I’m going to have to get higher. Is there a nearby watchtower?

[13:39:30] Dave: YES

[13:39:32] Jac: like, within jumping distance of the roof of the throneroom?

[13:40:11] Dave: with SOME LUCK, you could totally JUMP THROUGH the window like an INDESCRIBABLE BADASS

[13:40:26] Jac: let’s do this

[13:40:40] Dave: you RUSH to the NORTHERN TOWER and scale the stairs

[13:41:06] Dave: at the top you catch the UNSPEAKABLY EVIL GLEAM of the DRAGON’S RUBY-COLOURED EYES

[13:41:35] Dave: it momentarily PAUSES in its WANTON DESTRUCTION of VARIOUS NPCs

[13:41:46] Dave: below you is the THRONE ROOM ROOF

[13:42:05] Jac: I get to the window and judge the wind direction, distance, etc.

[13:42:21] Dave: you TAKE STOCK

[13:42:27] Jac: it’s just like trying to sneak into the elder’s lodge in my home village

[13:42:50] Dave: you ABSENTMINDEDLY RECALL the OLD DAYS in your QUAINT HAMLET

[13:43:18] Dave: you were quite the RAPSCALLION, stealing APPLE PIES and CATCHING PIGEONS, which you later put in OTHER, UNRELATED PIES

[13:43:31] Jac: holy hell, is that a princess I see clutched in the dragon’s claws?

[13:43:51] Dave: in the midst of this reverie you NOTICE that the DRAGON has grabbed the PRINCESS in his MIGHTY FORECLAW

[13:43:53] Jac: like, am I going to have to hide for being a doppelganger?

[13:44:05] Dave: it looks from the PRINCESS to you, in OBVIOUS PUZZLEMENT

[13:44:39] Dave: “WHAT THE CRAP IS THIS NOISE” it says in the voice of TRAINED SHAKESPEAREAN ACTOR BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH

[13:44:53] Jac: Using his distraction, I attempt the jump

[13:45:10] Dave: roll for HEROLEAP

[13:45:15] Jac: 5

[13:45:18] Dave: uh oh

[13:45:47] Dave: you pushoff for your HEROIC ENTRANCE on the SINGLE LOOSE STONE on the WATCHTOWER ROOF

[13:46:12] Dave: you plunge HEADLONG through a hole in the DRAGONRENT THRONE ROOM CEILING

[13:46:15] Jac: QUICK QUICK, CATCH THE DRAGON’S TAIL WHICH IS TOTALLY CURRENTLY TWITCHING OVER MY WAY.

[13:46:27] Dave: roll for EPIC FLAIL

[13:46:51] Jac: 18

[13:47:05] Dave: your EPIC FLAIL is not an EPIC FAIL

[13:47:30] Jac: I’m totally pulling a legolas and flipping myself up onto the dragon

[13:47:57] Dave: you reach out with your MAGIC SWORD, which PIERCES between the SCALEPLATING and forms a handy LEVER with which to mount the dragon

[13:48:43] Dave: you are on the DRAGON’S TAIL. to the NORTH is the DRAGON’S HEAD, to the WEST is a screaming, RATHER FREAKED OUT FOR SEVERAL REASONS PRINCESS, to the EAST is a SOFT, INVITING UNDERBELLY

[13:48:49] Dave: what do you do?

[13:49:12] Jac: go for the underbelly!

[13:49:33] Dave: you perform an EXPERT PEASANTROLL onto the RAPIDLY DETERIORATING CASTLE ROOF

[13:50:02] Dave: TILING slips from beneath your feet as you steady your KICKASS DOUBLE HANDED BROADSWORD

[13:50:09] Dave: WITH A RUBY HILT

[13:50:22] Jac: much like the dragon’s eyes, I notice…

[13:50:33] Dave: the DRAGON is ENRAGED at your IMPERTINENCE

[13:50:42] Dave: YOU SUCCESSFULLY NOTICE THAT

[13:50:53] Dave: you have gained a new perk: NOTICER

[13:50:58] Dave: you now NOTICE TWICE AS MUCH

[13:51:28] Jac: cool, do I notice where I have to stab on the underbelly to get a critical hit?

[13:51:33] Dave: the DRAGON seems CONVINCED that you are the REAL PRINCESS, as the one he is holding was KIND OF A PUSHOVER

[13:51:42] Jac: nice

[13:52:07] Dave: he was EXPECTING a MODERN HIGH FANTASY PRINCESS TRAINED IN PRAGMATISM and SUBTLE UNDERMINING of the PATRIARCHY

[13:52:25] Dave: it’s just you and the CUMBERDRAGON on top of a CASTLE

[13:52:38] Dave: you NOTICE TWO OBVIOUS WEAK POINTS

[13:52:41] Dave: the HEART

[13:52:44] Dave: and the EYE

[13:53:31] Jac: or what if I go for the top of the underbelly and ouch the dragon enough that it flies off, thus doing the blade dragging work for me?

[13:53:47] Dave: you NEVER KNOW

[13:53:56] Dave: roll for HEROSTAB?

[13:54:03] Jac: 13

[13:54:46] Dave: you RUN for the dragon’s UNDERBELLY, ACROBATICALLY FLIPPING over his MIGHTY FORECLAW in SLOW MOTION

[13:55:02] Dave: you DRIVE the MAGICSWORD DEEP into its HEART

[13:55:18] Dave: it INSTANTLY REGRETS having such an OBVIOUS WEAKPOINT

[13:55:41] Dave: it ATTEMPTS to TAKE FLIGHT, breaking your SWORD in the process

[13:55:47] Dave: all that is left is the RUBY HILT

[13:55:56] Jac: but it’s magic

[13:55:59] Dave: the CUMBERWYRM is ESCAPING

[13:56:03] Jac: I bet it grows its own blade back

[13:56:07] Jac: like a lizard

[13:56:13] Dave: NOPE

[13:56:25] Dave: the HILT seems LIGHT in your HAND

[13:56:32] Jac: haha! there’s something in there

[13:56:45] Dave: you NOTICE that this is a similar situation to your PEASANT DAYS of FIGHTING OFF PREDATORS

[13:56:52] Dave: from your SHEEPFLOCK

[13:57:22] Dave: you NOTICE that RUBY is DETACHABLE, and seems to be SOME MANNER OF PROJECTILE

[13:57:31] Dave: A MAJJJJIIKKKKK PROJECTILE

[13:57:49] Jac: awesome, let’s rig it up and find a way to get it to the dragon that’s flying away

[13:58:26] Dave: the HILT MAGYKALLY transforms into a RUDIMENTARY SLINGSHOT

[13:58:38] Dave: you have ONE CHANCE to HIT the DRAGON

[13:58:45] Dave: choose TARGET?

[13:58:57] Jac: good thing I practiced with one of those in the backcountry of Texas recently!

[13:59:04] Jac: I choose the eye

[13:59:08] Dave: you choose

[13:59:09] Dave: WISELY

[13:59:16] Dave: roll for MAGISLING

[13:59:26] Jac: 7

[13:59:31] Dave: oh jeez

[13:59:43] Dave: you HURL the MAGISTONE

[13:59:56] Dave: it misses the DRAGON WIDE RIGHT

[13:50:00] Jac: LAME

[13:50:13] Dave: the MAGIC FIELD GOAL ATTEMPT IS NO GOOD

[13:50:17] Dave: TEXANS LOSE

[13:50:19] Dave: BUT WAIT!

[13:50:21] Jac: especially since I have need of contacting people in a few minutes

[13:50:27] Dave: something is happening to the MAGIC MAGUFFIN

[13:50:37] Jac: has it exploded in a ruby light

[13:50:42] Dave: it turns into a MASSIVE BALL OF MAGIC ENERGY

[13:50:47] Dave: THAT IS TOTALLY RUBYCOLOURED

[13:51:14] Dave: it CONDENSES INTO A LASER and STRIKES the DRAGON EYEWISE

[13:51:25] Dave: “nooooo! my other only weakness!”

[13:51:43] Dave: the DRAGON EXPLODES into a YEAR’S SUPPLY OF DRAGON JERKY

[13:51:47] Dave: the TOWNSFOLK REJOICE

[13:52:06] Dave: the SAVED PRINCESS is totally GRATEFUL

[13:52:17] Jac: awesome, do I get a reward?

[13:52:24] Jac: besides dragon jerky

[13:52:43] Dave: the KING awards you MAYORSHIP of the QUAINT HAMLET of your birth

[13:52:57] Jac: bwahaha, I finally get the elders’ hall to myself

[13:53:13] Dave: he gives you a FANCY HAT and his DAUGHTER’S HAND IN MARRIAGE because this is a MODERN HIGH FANTASY WHERE THAT KIND OF STUFF IS TOTALLY COOL

[13:53:29] Dave: she likes ANIME and FASHION WEBSITES

[13:53:45] Jac: but she is also mean to the help,  that will have to change

[13:54:09] Dave: yeah, that is TOTALLY WHAT HAS OCCURED

[13:54:13] Dave: HUZZAH

[13:54:21] Dave: roll for LET’S GET THIS OVER WITH

[13:54:26] Jac: 2

[13:54:34] Dave: ha

[13:55:06] Dave: the ADVENTURE ENDS SEVERAL TIMES, with numerous APPENDICES and several HASTILY COMPOSED SONGS IN THE DRAGON TONGUE

[13:55:18] Jac: which is welsh but with umlauts

[13:55:23] Dave: only FANBOYS and those with COPIOUS FREE TIME will consider them WORTH THEIR WHILE

[13:55:40] Jac: do I get a three part movie and prequel by Peter Jackson too

[13:55:49] Dave: you find your ELDER DAYS haunted by UMLAUTS and WOEFULLY HACKNEYED METAPHORS ABOUT DRAGONS

[13:56:10] Dave: you are also CURSED to be UNABLE TO JUST TELL A FRIGGIN STORY IN ONE GODDAMN GO

pictured (L-R) you; peter jackson

[13:56:12] Jac: I’d like to finish it by slaying Grendel and Grendel’s mother

[13:56:21] Dave: roll for COMPLETELY UNRELATED SIDE QUEST

[13:56:29] Jac: 15

[13:56:56] Dave: you SLAY THEM MIGHTILY USING A LONGSWORD MADE FROM THE CUMBERDRAGON’S CLAW

[13:57:04] Jac: (bow)

[13:57:34] Dave: everyone is SUPER IMPRESSED but you DIE with ENEMIES AT THE BORDER and with a story OBVIOUSLY REPLETE WITH EARLY CHRISTIAN UNDERTONES

[13:57:37] Dave: THE END.

[13:57:53] Jac: and there was much sadness throughout the land

[13:58:04] Jac: haha, great adventure dude